


we're just two ghosts (standing in the place of you and me)

by twistedconstellations



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Battle, Bisexual Steve Rogers, But we love him for it, Eventual Fluff, Gay Bucky Barnes, I swear to God, I'm not a monster, Laughed, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Please be nice, Reunions, Steve is not doing well, also the avengers know jack shit about who steve actually is, and also stevebucky, and moved on with my day, bucky gets tortured a bit so if that triggers you please don't read this, but what else is new, for that matter bucky isn't either, have i mentioned that i love you, i love them a lot too, i'm still very new, if you're reading this i love you, it ends well i promise, it was beta'd though, letterwriting!steve, like at all, looked at the canon, most of this was written at 2am don't blame me, pining (sort of), rated t for swearing and a bit of canon-typical violence, snipers on rooftops, steve is a lovesick idiot, stevebucky is supreme thank you, there is a difference between steve and cap, this is so fucking angsty oh my god, tony's kind of an ass, uhh what else do i tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedconstellations/pseuds/twistedconstellations
Summary: when bucky falls, steve's world stops turning. fast forward seventy years: someone escapes, letters are written, the avengers continue to not really know steve, etc. then clint meets a sniper on a rooftop, and for steve, earth's axis starts turning again.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	we're just two ghosts (standing in the place of you and me)

**Author's Note:**

> hello, world. (hint: that's you!)  
> i saw a screenshot of a tumblr post on my pinterest, and i couldn't stop thinking about it. this is the result. the title is from two ghosts (by the incredible harry styles.) i think this song is very fitting for our dear steve and bucky.
> 
> this story is written as four acts, spanning almost a hundred years. i absolutely loved every minute of writing this, and i can only hope that you all love it too.  
> beta'd by v (i love you). all remaining mistakes are my own. i own nothing, all characters belong to marvel. please do not repost without my permission. if i know you irl, no i don’t. 
> 
> i love you all, thank you so much for reading. any comments, kudos, etc are so so appreciated :)
> 
> -sophia <3

**Act 1 -- 1945**

When Bucky fell, the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes was Steve, hanging out of the train car, yelling his name, yelling for some kind of mercy, some god to come and save him. Bucky had never been as religious as Steve had, but in that moment, with the white of the snow on the mountains rushing by him and the wind hitting his face, he almost wished he was. Maybe then he had a chance. Maybe then Steve would have been able to catch him. Steve wasn’t to blame, really, even though Bucky knew Steve would hold the burden of Bucky’s death on his shoulders until he died.

Bucky knew what would happen to the poor boy, turned into a man too fast by the horrors of war and the world. He’d seen the same thing when both of Steve’s parents had died, leaving him alone to face life. He hadn’t been truly alone though, so the panic attacks and the weeks of depression had been lessened with Bucky there. This time though, Bucky was terrified for his Steve. He looked at Steve one last time, looked at the fading shape of the train car shrinking every second, and closed his eyes. 

  
  


_ April 19th, 1945.  _

_ Buck,  _

_ I’m writing you this letter even though you’ve been dead three days. I’m writing you this letter even though you’ve been dead three days and I’ve barely processed it. I’m writing you this letter even though you’ve been dead three days and I’ve barely processed it and I still haven’t stopped crying.  _

_ Do you remember when we were boys, the kids at school would always tell us not to cry if we got hurt or if we were sad? Don’t cry, Steven. Real boys don’t cry. I was too young to remember when Pa died, but I think I would have cried, if I did remember. They told me not to cry when Ma died, that I had to be tough because I was a man now, I was the only one that could support myself. When I got home from school that day, I cried and you were there and you didn’t tell me to stop. You didn’t tell me to be a man or that I needed to toughen up. You just held me and let me cry and I can’t stop thinking about it because I’m crying now. I’m crying now and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.  _

_ The other guys, especially Dum Dum, have tried to console me. It’s helped, a little. None of them can really help, though, because none of them really knew me. Or you, I guess. Us. Peggy’s helped some. She bought me a couple drinks the other night, sat with me in the silence surrounding your empty chair.  _

_ I miss you, Bucky. I miss your smile and your laugh and your smug little face when you did something right. I miss you leaving your stupid shoes everywhere and your heart and your soul and your you. I miss you more than I ever thought I could miss someone. I don’t think I even missed Ma this much. When she died I was sad, yes, but I also knew that even with her gone you would still be there for me. Till the end of the line, you said, looking at me with those stupid eyes and that stupid comforting grin that I’ll never see again.  _

_ God, I can’t believe I’ll never see you again. That’s been one of the worst parts about this so far, I think. I keep expecting to see you. I keep turning corners and hoping you’ll be on the other side, waiting for me. I guess, in some sort of twisted way, you are.  _

_ I guess I keep on hoping that you’ll be there because I don’t know what I’ll do when I finally realize that you really won’t be. Just a sliver of hope is all it takes. That’s what Ma used to tell us when things got bad, remember?  _

_ When there wasn’t enough food or the heat got turned off or I got beat up for the third time that week? The first day after you left, back in Brooklyn, the only thing I could think was what would happen if I didn’t have you. Not even you being able to protect me, pulling me out of fights and saving my ass more times than I could count, but what I would do if I had no one to come home to after work down at the docks. I couldn’t imagine having to live without you, having to go my whole life without you, Buck. I still think I can’t, not really. Even now that I’m big, and strong, and everything the perfect man is supposed to be. I’m scared.  _

_ I’m so scared. And I’m so mad, Bucky. I’m mad that you’re gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m mad that we were so afraid for so long and I’m mad that you’re not here. I’m mad that I have to fight this war without you. I’m mad that I can’t turn around and see you in the trees, watching my six like you always have. I’m mad that when this eventually ends, I’m going to have to go home to our apartment without you. I’m mad that I have to act like I’m okay. I’m mad that I’m not okay.  _

_ Buck, I just, I don’t even know what to say. I have so much I need to say to you. I hope that you knew what I needed to say to you. I have to go. Colonel Phillips is calling the Howlies and we have to go to war. I’m so sick of fighting, Buck. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted is to be home with you, painting and hearing you talk and watching the city out of the window. I’ll write more another day, and hopefully I’ll have more to say, other than I miss you and I love you and I’ll never stop.  _

_ Yours, until the end of the line,  _

_ Stevie. _

  
  


When Bucky woke up 3 weeks later, he stared into the abyss that was the cave he was trapped in. He tried to move, and was suddenly aware of the heavy steel restraints holding him to a cold, metal chair.

There were things moving all around him, scientists working and soldiers training and orders being barked and it was loud. So loud. It was loud and fuzzy and Bucky was scared. He barely remembered what had happened. 

He remembered falling, and he remembered hitting the ground. There was someone on the train, maybe, he thought. Someone important? He wasn’t sure. Someone was looking at him, marking things down in a file. Bucky tried to open his mouth, expecting a question to come out. Nothing did. 

He tried again. Still nothing. It was almost like he couldn’t even open his jaw. It was then he noticed the thick leather muzzle holding his jaw in place. Christ, he must have been really out of it not to notice. 

“Джентльмены, Актив проснулся” _ (Gentlemen, the Asset is awake.) _ A booming voice came out of a speaker, somewhere. Bucky winced. Why was it so loud? Where was he? Why was he here? His mind raced, trying to find any evidence of his location or his situation. 

  
The voice spoke again. “Солдат, мы собираемся заточить тебя, пока ты нам не понадобишься. Это понятно?”  _ (Soldier, we are going to put you under until we need you. Is that understood?)  _ Bucky nodded, but he was confused. Who was this Soldier they kept referring to? Was it him? Then, everything went blank. James Buchanan Barnes, of Brooklyn, New York, was dead. The Winter Soldier, the Fist of Hydra and the Asset that would help them to rule the world, took his place.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all so much for reading!! next act will be up soon...see you then!


End file.
